Two Little Words For Those Really Hard Times

("Any Good In Goodbye" Continued)

I don’t know who hurts more when I have a hangnail – me or my mom.
She winces as if it’s her own when I show her my finger.

Why would my hangnail hurt my mom just as much as me?

I don’t know. I guess it’s because she loves me that much.

We tend to take on the pain of those we love.

When my first-ever boyfriend moved away my freshman year of high school, I came running into the house after saying my last goodbye. I was in hysterics. The tears could not break lose fast enough to keep up with my devastation.

I just knew my life was OVER! 

When I got home, I didn’t even make it to my room. I fell on the floor, face buried in a couch cushion.

And my mom –

the mom who knew everything would be just fine; the mom who has the eternal perspective to know this heartbreak did not have the last word; the mom who could have easily told me to just get over it … Yeah, that mom?

That mom dug my face out of the couch cushion and gently rested it in her lap. She stroked my hair. She repeated over and over how sorry she was. She hurt with me. And I felt less alone.

Suffering is hard enough, but suffering alone? Unbearable.  

As I’ve said goodbye this past year, I've learned empathy does not heal the wound. 

But it does make the process of healing a lot better.

Why? Because you feel understood, loved, but most of all…

You feel less alone.

I think that’s why I have held on to the shortest verse in the Bible so tightly during the suffering of goodbye. Just two, little words that aren't so little.

“Jesus wept.” (For the entire story, click here.)

Some of Jesus’ closest friends were a set of siblings – Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

In John 11, we read that Lazarus grew sick and died.

After Lazarus’ death, Jesus goes to visit Mary and Martha.

And when Jesus walks with Mary and Martha to visit the gravesite, Jesus begins to weep.

Jesus –

the Jesus who knew everything would be just fine; the Jesus who has the eternal perspective to know this death does not have the last word; the Jesus who could have told Mary and Martha to get over it (after all, He was about to raise their brother from the dead) … Yeah, that Jesus?

That Jesus wept with Mary and Martha over the loss of their brother as if it were his own. 

John tells us that his "spirit was troubled." 

He didn't just cry; He wailed.

And to know this.

To know that He cries.

To know that the Creator of the universe not only understands our grief but experienced suffering in a way you and I will never live. 

To know that He not only cares about my feelings but feels my feelings. 

Something about that makes saying goodbye, makes the suffering in this life, a little easier.

As He has lifted my face out of the couch cushion and has stroked my hair …

As we've cried together over brokenness, something has happened.

I've, in turn, understood His suffering a little more. I've experienced Him more. I know Him more. 

And that intimacy is one of the "goods" I have found in goodbye.

I don’t know who your hangnail hurts more – you or Jesus 

He gets you, He understands you, He empathizes with you.

You are never alone in your suffering.