When Life Feels Out of Order

A lot of people call her Romadene.

Others, Mrs. Preston.

And a few "mom."

But we grandkids?

We have always just called her “Mimi.”

And if you met her, she would instantly become your Mimi too.

She’s just that way. 

The teacher that everyone remembers from Elementary school? That’s my Mimi.

The casserole that empties the fastest at the church potluck? That was Mimi’s.

The fridge stocked with popsicles and Dr. Pepper? Mimi’s.

The woman that never had a hot meal because she was serving everyone else? The soprano, the white curly perm, the one calling everyone else “sweetie”?

All Mimi.

When my sisters and I were little grand-girls, we would all sleep on her living room floor during Christmas. She was the best pallet-maker ever, piling one blanket on top of the next. And then she would tuck us all in like little burritos.

But today she isn’t the same.

Her health is failing and mind is wandering.

Dementia has crept in like an unwanted guest, and though we have asked him to leave, he refuses.

I know she’s afraid. She’s confused.

She’s wondering why she can’t do things like she used to.

And it breaks my heart.

I miss who she used to be.

The roles have reversed.

Now we are making her the casseroles.

We stock her fridge with Dr. Pepper.

And the other night, instead of her tucking me in, I crept into her room and knelt down by her bed. 

I asked her if she was comfortable, told her how much I loved her and said, “Sweet dreams, my sweet Mimi.” Then I asked her if she wanted the door closed or open. “Open,” she said.

I used to like my door open too.

When roles reverse, the world just doesn’t feel right.
Life feels out of order.

It feels backwards, uncomfortable, like two left shoes.

Jesus understands role reversals really well. More than I ever will.

From Mountain Molder to mountain climber.

From Breath Giver to breath taker.

Star Placer to star gazer.

From God to man.

And then, on the cross, He went from sinless to sinful.

He took it all on – all my bitterness, all my selfishness, all my envy, all my sin.

And He took yours too.

This reversal has made some skeptical, others doubt.

It may seem backwards, uncomfortable, like two left shoes.

Yet, in this reversal, everything was made right.

The world met grace. The world met love. The world met God.

This role-reversal with my Mimi feels uncomfortable now, but what if God uses it to make something more right in me?

What if as I suffer through how backwards this feels, I move forward in understanding? 

Understanding more about the suffering Jesus endured to offer the biggest reversal ever made – 

my sin for His grace.

And understanding this love a little more, makes my heart a little more right.

We have been chatting about good in goodbye the past couple of months on the blog. 

Is there such a thing?

I think this is another good I have found lately.

That as I’ve said goodbye to who my mimi was (still praying for a miracle along the way).

As I tuck her in, instead of being tucked in.

The reversal makes me think of Jesus’ reversal that much more - what He gave so that I could have.

 “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

 (Are you going through a role-reversal these days or feel like things are a little backwards? If so, what are you learning through it? Comment below.)